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Surfer to Pirate

Couldn't find a Parrot so I got an Iguana

overcast -17 °C

I sit here without a topic to write about and, for the life of me, I haven't been able to come up with anything decent.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't to say that my previous entries are of quality linguistic entertainment or provide anything more than my experiences-turned-bumblefuck-stories of things that have happened on our trip. Throw in my disadvantaged imagination and my ability to read peoples thoughts/move objects with my mind, and you get what you are about to read; crap and waisted time. I mainly do it for friends of mine who have the type of jobs where they need my crap and waisted time to fill the void left by their decision to simply ignore their employment responsibilities.

It's not that I didn't literally have anything to write about;

There was the amazing city of Malacca, Malaysia that had been named a UNESCO World Heritage Site on just July 7th, 2008. It has a gorgeous old town thats history is more rich than the pirate ships that used to anchor here with its plunder. The people of Malacca have a history that runs paralell with the town itself. In the early 1500's, Afonso de Albuquerque of Portugal set sail from Goa to Malacca and installed a strategic base for the Portuguese expansion in the East Indies. There is still evidence of the Portuguese presence in Malacca with the ruins of A Famosa the Portuguese fort, and the small community of the Kristang, people with partial Portuguese ancestry. The Portuguese were eventually defeated by the Dutch in the 1640's to capture Malacca. The Dutch ruled Malacca from 1641 to 1795 where they built and left their landmark better known as Red Building and Stadhuys Square. At points during its history the British acquired Malacca from the Dutch in a treaty, was then seized by the Japanses during WWII and then back to the British. When the crown colony dissolved, Malacca became part of the Malayan Union, which later became Malaysia. During this broad history, Malacca like a lot of Malaysia, has been transformed with a high number of Chinese and Indian migrants creating a city so rich in culture and history its impossible to see it all with the amount of time we have to spend here and it is as equally as impossible to describe just how amazing this place is. My guess is that with its newly acquired title from UNESCO, this place will be overrun by tourists and will dissolve the gem that Malacca has become in a fraction of the time it took to create.

I could write about the 12 year old boy who worked at the French department store Carrefour who sold me a mickey of Gin, but other than those details, it was quite a standard transaction. Though despite its 'standard-ness' I felt the little Muslim boys judgmental eyes disgracing me, a look so dissappointing it could lead a man to drink.

There was always the innumerable creepers that Jennie attracted, the cat-calling that, in my opinion, was not a result of construction workers rights or my jealous nature magnifiying the situation or the simple rareity of her golden locks but a reality that these men felt the need to express their sexuality toward my wife because of a brutal suppression of it due to nothing else but their religion added with their idea of western womens, comparative, sexual liberalism. The same religion that wouldn't allow Jennie, my wife, and I to lay together on a grassy hill in a park (yes, we were clothed). It's the same sexual repression funneled by religion that forced Priests onto altar boys in the unholiest of ways. This topic could be argued by some to be over my head. I choose not to use it as a topic due to its "Debby-downer-ness." Honestly though, after Cole's apprentice, nothing will come close to as ungodly or uncomfotable anyways.

There was also the ever-present and obvious inability for people to accept us as a married couple because the locals (all but one) thought that I was too young and Jennie was too old for us to be married. It's not my fault I was blessed with my Fathers unnatural and awesome genetics, but because I am a good husband, I feel obligated and motivated to look older. As far a genetics go, I strongly beleive that to make up for a persons stronger attributes, they are given some lesser attributes to even everything out. We can't all be fucking Swedish, can we. For instance, I also obtained my Dads (in)ability to grow facial hair. If there was a "Pubic Hair on the Face Growing Contest," Dad and I would win 1st and 2nd every year. Hands down. No question.

I wanted to write about something else, something simple. I needed help and who better to help me than the person who thinks the most of me more than anyone else. (Excluding my Mom, Julio San-Chen and Brian.)

But first I needed to ask her a question.

"Babe, am I the raddest dude alive or what? Honestly."

"Umm. No. You might be if you didn't have your beard."

What she doesn't realize was that she acknowleged it as a beard.

What she doesn't realize is, this is why I'm the raddest dude alive...


Now, if I had obtained my Moms genetics in the beard-growing field, I'd look something like, well, this...


Have you made your Mom cry today? 'Cause I probably just did.

Posted by CRBackman 23:24 Archived in Malaysia Tagged animal

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Oh you are such an evil evil child.

by ElanaB

And Cor? FYF.

by ElanaB

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